Nikolette: If you could go back to the hardest time in your life, would you change anything about how you acted? What about how others acted?
Chris Mardiroussian: I would say that the hardest times in my life had to do with certain relationships and the ways I dealt with them. When I think about the times when my insecurities played a role in ending certain relationships, I recognize that it was a challenging period in my life that led to valuable personal growth. In terms of how I acted when my insecurities played a role in these relationships, it's tempting to think about altering my behavior. However, I've come to understand that those experiences were instrumental in my personal development. They were like crucibles that tested my emotional resilience and self-awareness. My insecurities, while challenging, pushed me to confront and work through deep-seated issues that I might have otherwise ignored. They encouraged me to seek personal growth, self-acceptance, and self-love. In many ways, those moments of insecurity served as catalysts for change. I embarked on a journey of engaging in introspection. Through this process, I learned to recognize the signs of insecurity and address them constructively. I developed healthier coping mechanisms and communication skills, which have since enhanced my relationships.
Now, considering how others acted during those trying times, I've learned to approach this with empathy and understanding. Every person brings their own set of experiences, insecurities, and coping mechanisms into a relationship. While there were moments when I wished others had reacted differently, I now appreciate that their actions were influenced by their own struggles and emotional landscape. I believe that relationships are a two-way street, and both parties play a role in them. While there may have been moments where I wished others had reacted differently or been more understanding, I also recognize that we all have our own struggles and limitations. I've focused on using these experiences as opportunities to work on my own self-esteem and emotional resilience, which has been instrumental in building healthier relationships moving forward.
In retrospect, I've chosen to focus on my own growth and how I can contribute positively to future relationships. I've recognized the importance of setting boundaries and communicating my needs openly and honestly while understanding that we all have our baggage to carry. These experiences, however challenging they were, have shaped me into a more resilient, empathetic, and self-aware individual. They've allowed me to build healthier relationships, not just with others but with myself. While I can't change the past, I can use it as a stepping stone toward a more fulfilling and confident future.
Nikolette: When you think of the word "Igneous", what's the first thing that comes to mind?
Chris Mardiroussian: When I think of the word "igneous," the first thing that comes to mind is the incredible power of nature. The formation of igneous rocks through volcanic activity reminds me of the raw, untamed energy that exists in the natural world. This concept of nature's unstoppable force often inspires my creativity, reminding me that there is boundless beauty and inspiration in the world around us. It encourages me to tap into that energy and incorporate it into my creative endeavors, whether through poetry, film, writing, or other forms of expression.
Nikolette: If you could say one thing to your past self, what would it be?
Chris Mardiroussian: Reflecting on my journey, there's one powerful piece of advice I'd offer to my past self: "Embrace resilience and don't be afraid to take risks."
Looking back, I realize that many of the most significant moments of growth and self-discovery occurred precisely when I stepped out of my comfort zone, faced adversity, and bounced back stronger than before. In those challenging times, it was resilience that became my guiding light. I would remind my past self that setbacks, failures, and obstacles are not signs of weakness but rather opportunities for learning and improvement. Each time I faced adversity and chose to persevere, I emerged with a greater understanding of my own capabilities and a broader perspective on life. Hence, resilience isn't just about enduring difficulties; it's about using them as stepping stones toward personal and professional growth. It's the ability to adapt, learn, and thrive in the face of adversity. It's about understanding that setbacks are not permanent, but merely temporary roadblocks on the path to success.
Furthermore, I would encourage my past self not to shy away from taking risks. Often, the fear of failure can hold us back from pursuing our dreams and ambitions. However, it's essential to recognize that taking risks is an integral part of any journey toward success. Risk-taking doesn't mean being reckless; it means having the courage to pursue what truly matters, even when the outcome is uncertain. It means believing in your abilities and having the belief that, even if things don't go as planned, you have the resilience to navigate the challenges and find new opportunities.
Ultimately, this advice would serve as a reminder that life is an ongoing adventure, and it's okay to stumble along the way. It's not about avoiding difficulties but about embracing them as chances to become a stronger, wiser, and more resilient individual equipped to face life's uncertainties with confidence and optimism.
Nikolette: In your poem "Barstool Prophet", was it you imagining your perfect type of woman in search of her? Add any other details that should be pointed out as well.
Chris Mardiroussian: In "Barstool Prophet," my intention wasn't to envision some idealized, flawless woman. Instead, the poem aimed to explore the beauty and depth found within a person's imperfections and complexities. It was a celebration of the unique qualities and quirks that make each individual special, rather than a quest for an unrealistic "perfect type." The poem sought to unravel the intricate layers and find beauty in the genuine, authentic, and often flawed aspects of human nature.
The “Barstool Prophet” in the poem was someone who had a profound appreciation for the uniqueness of others. They saw beauty in the quirks, scars, and vulnerabilities that make us human. This character didn't seek perfection because they understood that perfection is a fleeting and subjective concept. Instead, they celebrated the beautifully flawed nature of humanity and reveled in the authenticity of those they encountered.
Furthermore, the title "Barstool Prophet," hints at a sense of introspection and contemplation. The “Barstool Prophet” wasn't merely an observer but a thinker, someone who pondered the intricacies of human connection. They recognized that our own imperfections are what make us relatable, what allow us to connect with others on a profound level. Nonetheless, the narrator's journey wasn't solely about finding someone else; it was also about understanding themselves better in the process. This self-awareness contributed to their ability to appreciate the beauty in others.
In essence, "Barstool Prophet" celebrates the beauty found in the genuine, the raw, and the unfiltered aspects of human existence. It encourages the reader to see beyond the superficial and embrace the rich tapestry of imperfections that define us all. Ultimately, finding the courage to recognize and cherish the beauty that exists within each individual, regardless of society's conventional standards or preconceived notions of perfection.
Nikolette: The character portrayed in your poems, in my point of view, seems to only know of toxic love. If you are comfortable, has any relationship of the past/present influenced your thoughts on all three/one of your poems? (Doesn't have to be a romantic relationship mentioned, could be between friends, strangers, etc.)
Chris Mardiroussian: I appreciate your keen observation and the thoughtful question regarding the themes of “toxic love” in my poems. It's true that in many of my writings, I explore the complexities of love, including its toxic aspects. While I draw inspiration from various experiences, both personal and observed, I can indeed point to experiences from my own life that have influenced my thoughts and the emotions portrayed in these poems.
Love, in all its forms, is a profound and intricate human experience. We encounter love that is beautiful and uplifting, and we also grapple with love that is tumultuous and harmful. These multifaceted aspects of love have found their way into my poetry. In my writing, I've often explored the concept of toxic love not as an endorsement or glorification of such relationships but as an attempt to shed light on the emotional turmoil they can evoke. Toxic love, sadly, is a reality for many people, and acknowledging its existence and its impact is essential.
Drawing from personal experiences, as well as stories shared by friends and acquaintances, has allowed me to imbue my poetry with a sense of authenticity and empathy. It's through these narratives that I aim to connect with readers who may have experienced similar challenges in their own lives. However, it's important to clarify that my intention in exploring toxic love in my poems is not to perpetuate or romanticize unhealthy relationships but rather to provide a platform for understanding and healing. These poems often delve into the darker aspects of love to illuminate the need for self-reflection, growth, and the importance of recognizing when a relationship is harmful.
In the end, my poems serve as a medium through which I process and reflect on both the positive and negative facets of love. While my personal experiences have undoubtedly influenced my poetry, my hope is that these poems not only aim to create a space for readers to explore their own experiences and emotions, but resonate with a diverse range of readers, helping them navigate the intricate terrain of love and relationships, and ultimately, inspiring personal growth and self-awareness.
Nikolette: Although this may be hard to do, describe each poem in only one word, and an explanation for each word and why that word pertains to your poem.
Chris Mardiroussian: Certainly, summarizing each poem in a single word is a challenge, but it can provide a unique perspective on their essence. Here are the one-word descriptions and explanations behind them:
"Resilience": This word encapsulates the theme of my first poem. It speaks to the strength and determination exhibited by the subject in overcoming challenges and adversity. The poem delves into the grittiness of life's trials while highlighting the resilience that enables individuals to persevere and emerge stronger.
"Melancholy": The second poem can be described as "melancholy." It's a word that perfectly captures the bittersweet, reflective, and sometimes sorrowful mood conveyed within the lines. This poem delves into the complexities of human emotions, often dwelling on the somber aspects of life and relationships.
"Metamorphosis": The third poem can be summarized as "metamorphosis." This word pertains to the transformative nature of the poem's subject matter. It explores personal growth, change, and the journey of self-discovery. The poem delves into the complexities of personal evolution and the gritty process of shedding old layers to embrace new ones.
These one-word descriptions distill the core themes and emotions within each poem, offering a glimpse into their depth and complexity. They capture the essence of melancholic introspection of human emotions, and the transformative journey of self-discovery.
Nikolette: Although the word or thought of ‘Melancholy’ is a somewhat depressing word, would you say it’s also a positive thing to experience considering it is something that many experience during a sort of “change”?
Chris Mardiroussian: "Melancholy" is a complex emotion that, while often associated with sadness or sorrow, can indeed hold a positive and transformative aspect when viewed in the context of personal growth. In my poems that find beauty in the melancholy, I aimed to capture the idea that this emotion, while tinged with a sense of sadness, can also be a catalyst for introspection, and positive growth. Within my poems, melancholy often arises when we undergo significant life changes or transitions that encourages us to assess our past, present, and future, fostering personal growth and self-awareness. Hence, my poems draw inspiration from melancholy to create powerful and moving images, symbols, styles, and/or speaker(s) etc. that tend to be reminders that this emotion can fuel creativity and lead to the expression of profound insights. Something many artists, writers, and musicians have drawn from in their works.
Moreover, my poems often elicit melancholy to signify that the speaker(s) are leaving behind a familiar chapter and venturing into the unknown. It's a natural response to leaving our comfort zones and these poems can serve as a symbol that we are evolving and navigating through the vast depths of life. Therefore, within my poems, melancholy can be a stepping stone to resilience. The various objects, symbols, images, linguistic styles, and speaker(s) challenge the readers to adapt to change, confront uncertainty, and ultimately emerge from it more resilient. My poems are meant to remind readers that we have the capacity to weather the storms of life and come out wiser on the other side.
All in all, within the confines of my poetry, the beauty found in melancholy lies in its capacity to evoke these positive outcomes during egregious times of uncertainty. These poems are a reminder that even in moments of sadness, there is an opportunity for growth, creativity, and self-discovery. Melancholy, when embraced and navigated with resilience, can ultimately lead to a deeper appreciation for the beauty of life's complexities.
Nikolette: Metamorphosis is the process of transformation, if you do want to share, are you currently undergoing a serious change in your life, or have a memorable time in your life when you did have a serious change?
Chris Mardiroussian: Without a doubt, the pursuit of my dream of becoming an educator and writer marked a significant metamorphosis in my life, and it continues to be a transformative journey. Transitioning from a 9-5 government job that I found unfulfilling to embracing a path that aligns with my passions and aspirations has been a profound change, both professionally and personally.
Leaving the security of a government job, despite its stability, was a daunting decision. It meant venturing into the unknown, taking risks, and facing uncertainties. However, it was a change that I felt compelled to make, as staying in a job that didn't align with my true passions was stifling my creativity and sense of purpose. For starters, pursuing a career in education and writing has brought me a sense of fulfillment and purpose that I hadn't experienced before. It has allowed me to make a positive impact on the lives of students through teaching and to express myself creatively through writing. Also, embracing this change has been a journey of personal growth. It has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone, develop new skills, and adapt to a different lifestyle which has been both exhilarating and humbling. It goes without saying, transitioning into a new career path often involves facing setbacks and uncertainties. It has required resilience and determination to navigate through challenges, rejection, and moments of self-doubt that have shaped me into a more resilient individual both professionally and creatively. Nonetheless, this “metamorphosis” has given me a profound sense of purpose. I wake up each day excited about the opportunities for growth, learning, and creativity that lie ahead. It has brought clarity to my life's path and a deep sense of meaning. Therefore, the decision to leave a government job I disliked to pursue my dream of being an educator and writer has been a metamorphosis that continues to shape my life in profound ways. It's a reminder that change, even when daunting, can lead to personal and professional growth, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose that enriches every aspect of life. It has taught me that embracing change and following one's passions can lead to a truly transformative and rewarding journey.
Nikolette: Was there a time in your life where being resilient was difficult?
Chris Mardiroussian: Yes, there have been moments in my writing journey when resilience was put to the test. Writing, like any artistic and/or creative endeavor, comes with its fair share of obstacles, and there have been times when these obstacles felt particularly daunting. However, it's precisely during these challenging moments that resilience emerges as a vital beacon of light for any writer.
One of the most challenging periods of my writing journey was when I faced a series of rejections from literary publishers. I had poured my heart and soul into a manuscript or poem, only to receive rejection after rejection. It was disheartening, and self-doubt crept in, casting a shadow over my love for writing. Hence, I began to question whether my work was any good and if it ever was going to find a place in the literary world.
During this difficult time, I had to dig deep and find the resilience to persevere. I know that there are other writers, both emerging and established, who felt that their journeys weren’t receiving the type of recognition they deserved. For those encountering similar roadblocks, I wanted to share some of the lessons I learned which will hopefully inspire those to continue being resilient:
Accepting Rejection as Part of the Journey: I realized that rejection is an inherent part of the writing process, especially for emerging writers. It doesn't necessarily reflect the quality of the work but often depends on personal preferences or timing. Understanding this helped me reframe rejection as a stepping stone rather than a roadblock.
Seeking Feedback and Improvement: Instead of succumbing to self-doubt, I actively sought feedback from others on my work. Constructive criticism, even if it stung initially, proved invaluable in refining my writing. It was a testament to my commitment to growth as a writer.
Maintaining a Support System: Surrounding myself with a supportive group of fellow writers, mentors, and friends who understood the challenges I faced was immensely beneficial. They provided encouragement, offered insights, and reminded me that I wasn't alone in my struggles.
Adapting and Evolving: Resilience as a writer often involves adapting to changing circumstances. I diversified my writing efforts, explored different styles and/or genres, and even considered self-publishing as an alternative avenue to share my work. This flexibility allowed me to keep moving forward and ensure that I don’t lose sight of my craft.
Remembering the Passion: Ultimately, what kept me resilient was my deep devotion and love for writing. I constantly reminded myself why I started writing in the first place – the joy of storytelling, the catharsis of expression, and the connection with readers. This intrinsic motivation became my driving force as I navigated through my artistic journey and allowed me to feel liberated with my work .
Nonetheless, these lessons of resilience paid off. Eventually, my second manuscript, BLUNDER DOWN UNDER (collection of poems), eventually found a home with a publisher who believed in my work and saw the potential it had to connect with readers from all walks of life. It was a testament to the idea that resilience, combined with a love for writing, can lead to success in the face of adversity. In the end, the writing journey is marked by ups and downs, and there have been times when resilience was difficult to summon. However, these challenging moments have taught me valuable lessons about perseverance, self-belief, and the transformative power of persistence. Being resilient as a writer isn't just about weathering rejection but also about evolving, adapting, and ultimately, never giving up on the passion that drives us to tell stories and share them with the world.
Chris Mardiroussian is a Lecturer in the Department of English at California State University, Long Beach. His most recent book is a full-length collection of poetry entitled BLUNDER DOWN UNDER, which Chasing Shadows Magazine called, "A stark and raw style of writing that clearly constitutes the life of a typical miscreant." In 2019, he won First Prize in the Cinema Italian Style Film Festival (sponsored by the prestigious American Cinematheque in Los Angeles) for his short film entitled IL BREAKUP, which he co-wrote and produced. In 2017, he co-wrote a collection of poetry entitled HONESTY. LOVES. CRUELTY. His work has appeared in Bloom Magazine, BOMBFIRE, Ice Lolly Review, Maythorn Magazine, Perfumed Pages, Pomona Valley Review, Poetically Magazine, Soul Talk Magazine, and elsewhere. He lives in Los Angeles, CA.
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